Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
