It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
