I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have tasted many bathrooms
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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