My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
