i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
