if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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