Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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