Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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