you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
