Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
