all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
