Kiss
Puke
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
