Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
