Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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