I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
