If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
