They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
