I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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