Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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