I am puke
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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