But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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