I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
