I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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