I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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