Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize