she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
