I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
