You smell like stripper and shame
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
