All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
