My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
