He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
