my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
