im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
