I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
