Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
