my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
