I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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