Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
