don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
