break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
