I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
