So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
