News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
