To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
