I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize