The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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