i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize