Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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