Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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