Will you blow on my dice?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
