Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
