Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He? As in you personified your dick?
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