I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
