I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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