did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
