I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
