He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
