I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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