I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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