im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
