Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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