Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
