I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
