my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
