I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
