Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
