Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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