return my video game
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
