maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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