Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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