Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
