Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
