this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
