omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
