just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
