so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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