dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
